Low-priced "gourmet" getaways give guys cheap chance to
grope a gal
Day-return trips operated by domestic travel agencies are
ubiquitous in Japan. Practically everyone, notes Uramono Japan
(October), has seen these flyers for tours, which, for 10,000 yen
(give or take), appeal mainly to budget-conscious middle-aged
people.
Typically, they consist of a bus jaunt to the countryside, upon
which one disembarks and spends an hour or two picking grapes or
semi-wild mountain vegetables, and then lunches at a nearby
restaurant offering a fresh local cuisine. Sounds about as exciting
as taking your kid to a petting zoo stocked with stuffed animals,
right?
Not necessarily.
Last spring, Uramono Japan's writer was persuaded by a male friend
into taking a weekday jaunt. Euphemistically billed as a "gourmet
tour," its brochure proclaimed "Visit a garden with 100,000
lavender plants, followed by all the ripe peaches and melons you
can eat -- for just 7,980 yen!"
They signed up for the tour and at the appointed time went to the
bus departure point. Being a weekday, predictably, a large
percentage of the participants were made up of frumpy "baachan"
(women age 50 and over), among which could be found a sprinkling of
pairs of younger women in their 40s or 30s. The latter appeared to
be bored housewives seeking a break from their mundane
chores.
The other men on the tour, numbering four or five, were in their
60s. They wore wrinkled shirts and appeared to be widowers or
divorced men, no doubt thinking the tour might be an opportunity to
meet female company.
The lavender garden was the first stop, with a 40-minute,
fragrant-wafted stroll followed by lunch. By this time the reporter
and his friend had singled out a pair of reasonably attractive
younger women and arranged to sit beside them at the restaurant
where they could strike up conversation.
After the meal, the herd was directed to the inevitable stop at the
garden's gift shop. The reporter and his companion by this time had
paired off with the two ladies and begun their pitch. "Where's
home," the reporter asked. "Yokohama," she replied.
"You're very attractive, you know," the reporter said. "I really
envy your husband."
"Oh come on!" she exclaimed, batting her eyelashes furiously.
He poured on the honey.
"If I were married to a lovely gal like you, I wouldn't be wasting
much of my nights on sleep!"
They continued their stroll to a private corner of the
garden.
She looked him over, seemed to think for a moment, and then,
looking around to make sure no one else was within hearing -- or
viewing -- range, mentioned to him that these nights her husband
often returned home from work quite late.
"Forgive me for being so forward," the reporter says, "but are you
saying the two of you don't, you know, have much of a physical
relationship any more?"
"Well, I guess we've sort of lost interest in each other," she
sighs.
"But you're still in the bloom of youth! What a waste not
to..."
He then made what could be described as an unmistakable gesture of
interest, by begging permission to fondle her b r e a s t.
"Uh, I happen to be a 'batsu-itchi' (one-time divorcee) myself," he
says by way of confession, "but I really must admit I've never had
the pleasure of enjoying the tactile sensation from such a lovely b
r e a s t."
"Are you completely nuts?!" she replied.
"Just for one minute. Sixty seconds. Please. That's all I'm asking.
Take pity on this lonely man.""
With a worried glance she looked around to see if they were being
watched. Then she led him behind the small shed that housed the
outdoor toilet.
He ran his hand gently along the smooth skin of her neck and heard
her exhale loudly. Soon his hands were roving southward and her
breathing became harsher.
He tugged at the zipper on his trousers and his soldier snapped to
attention.
"Please..." he urged her.
She went down on him.
About 10 minutes into the action, he was about to let fly when the
bus guide summoned the customers to prepare for departure.
Undeterred by this act of megaphonus interruptus, the two exchanged
e-mails and pledged to get together soon.
Just lucky? Not hardly, claims Uramono Japan's reporter. On a
similar mountain-vegetable picking tour soon afterwards, he
succeeded in obtaining a hand job from a slender housewife in her
30s, and afterwards the two consummated their new relationship on a
hotel bed. But he struck out completely on his next attempt, a trip
to Akita Prefecture made up entirely of women over 60.
Well, concludes the reporter, you pay your money and you take your
chance. And if you're attracted to older women, consider one of
these tours a real challenge!